So like most people I suck with nicey nice until I have that first cup of coffee. Add two kids, a new move, and a broken coffee maker and I suck to be around. Well I guess my darling oldest miss this memo since he decided that being a douche was a great idea this morning. I decided that if I wasn't gonna chuck his ass into traffic I need caffeine and fast.
I normally wait til I get to work before I hit the caffeine like a drunk at happy hour, but it was just that bad. With the constant bitching and crying, "he's touching me" "it smells funny on this bus" " I want mcdonalds", all the while I'm watching the bus driver caculating driving the into on coming traffic. So I did what anyone in my shoes would of done I sucked it up and went to Star Bucks. Now I'm not a supporter of Star Bucks. They wipe out small ma and pop coffee shops, they're way over priced, the customers are like crack addicts needing their next fix, I constantly get hit on by tortured writers, and I have to use my goggle translator just to order something. So I get up to the cashier and order a large java chip frap with extra expreso, throwing in a yo dawg just to really fuck with them. So I take a huge gulp of this 5.25 drink and noticed there were actually little coffee flavored chocolate chips. The problem was this chips were hard enough to be put in a bb gun. Just at that point my king of douche-ness knock over the straws, and without realizing what I was doing I lauched a java chip through the straw and it smacked him right in the forehead. There was an eerie silence as everyone waited to see what his royal highness would do. Without a warning I reloaded and watch as boy child scurried to pick up the mess.
I think I found my new parenting tool, and I must say its worth the 5.25 I pay. Now we're on our way to daycare and the boy is watching me slowly. No bitching, no whinning, just peace and quiet. Well kids I'm off to work...here's some caffeine on me.
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