Autistic love

Okay so today rocked socks even if I had to get pulled out of work.

For those who know me know that I not only have the joy of having a son with aspergers but a teenage brother with aspergers as well. Apperently my son has noticed when I'm over whelmed I have his uncle translate the aspie melt downs. Recently my oldest daycare class has been blessed with a young boy with full on autism. When this young boy first came into the class the other kids seemed to ignore him, but not my kid. A few days ago I was informed that my son has been a big help with this young boy's melt downs. Apperently certain colors and textures will set this boy off and when the boy cannot vocalize what is wrong my son will first get the offensive object away and then translate what he can.

Today during lunch(all the kids assemble in the cafeteria) a five year old went up to the boys and started picking on the boys. From what I gathered my son helped keep his friend's cool. He even gave up his chocolate milk which is his friends favorite. The teachers tried to get the 5 year old under control but the darling douche bag decided that he would take the chocolate milk and dump it on my their laps while screaming " LOOK THE RETARDS PEED THEIR PANTS". This is where I guess I should be upset with my son, but I'm not so suck it. My son tackled the 5 year old and started to beat his ass. I guess at one point the 5 year old decided to fight dirty when my youngest(2 years with cannibal tendencies  btw) attacked the 5 year and bit him on the shoulder.  The fight was over at this point since my youngest drew blood and wouldn't let go. After they got everyone into seperate corners they called us parents to come pick our brood.

Now here is my thoughts on today. I am super proud of my oldest for sticking up for his friend. I am proud of my youngest for looking out for his brother. I have given both boys better ways to defend that won't hurt the attacker but stun them. I don't feel sorry for the 5 year old, and any haters out there can suck it cause I'm a flippin sociopath.

So here's caffeine for my boys, their friend, and to anyone who is raising an autistic kid.

Java chip frap good drink great weapon

So like most people I suck with nicey nice until I have that first cup of coffee. Add two kids, a new move, and a broken coffee maker and I suck to be around. Well I guess my darling oldest miss this memo since he decided that being a douche was a great idea this morning.  I decided that if I wasn't gonna chuck his ass into traffic I need caffeine and fast.

I normally wait til I get to work before I hit the caffeine like a drunk at happy hour, but it was just that bad. With the constant bitching and crying, "he's touching me" "it smells funny on this bus" " I want mcdonalds", all the while I'm watching the bus driver caculating driving the into on coming traffic. So I did what anyone in my shoes would of done I sucked it up and went to Star Bucks. Now I'm not a supporter of Star Bucks. They wipe out small ma and pop coffee shops, they're way over priced, the customers are like crack addicts needing their next fix, I constantly get hit on by tortured writers, and I have to use my goggle translator just to order something. So I get up to the cashier and order a large java chip frap with extra expreso, throwing in a yo dawg just to really fuck with them. So I take a huge gulp of this 5.25 drink and noticed there were actually little coffee flavored chocolate chips. The problem was this chips were hard enough to be put in a bb gun. Just at that point my king of douche-ness knock over the straws, and without realizing what I was doing I lauched a java chip through the straw and it smacked him right in the forehead. There was an eerie silence as everyone waited to see what his royal highness would do. Without a warning I reloaded and watch as boy child scurried to pick up the mess.

I think I found my new parenting tool, and I must say its worth the 5.25 I pay. Now we're on our way to daycare and the boy is watching me slowly. No bitching, no whinning, just peace and quiet. Well kids I'm off to work...here's some caffeine on me.

Oh its on good people

Unless you have been living in a cave with bat dung lodged in you ear, I am sure you have seen the new political trend. That's right I am talking about "the War on Woman". Now I know, whether you're a man or woman, some of you are for pro life and some of you are pro choice, and hey I am all for you doing what you gotta do. What I am not okay with is you dropping your views in my life. I'm sorry but shoving you views on me is like shitting on my breakfast table, it is both unwanted and will not be tolerated. What does this have to do with "The War on Women", simple while men are suggesting these outrageous bills there are women also behind it, and that's just sick. I swear I will make this quick and painless.

So while doing my search on this new trend I found something that has had me up in arms for the pass two days. The lovely senator of Wisconsin has decided to try to pass a bill that would teach future moms that being a single mom is both neglect and a form of child abuse. Now the "lovely" senator Grotman would like us to believe that this is not just about single moms but all single parents. I'm sorry is that bullshit I smell on my cupcake? How can one claim its about all single parents when you are caught saying " kids are 20 times more likely to be molested by moms new boyfriend"? Oh and where do you find your facts good sir, the cracker jack box? Funny I don't see your children, oh wait you don't have a family. You're basing your family ideas off of your parents generation, where divorce was consider worse than humping a black guy in the park. Oh wait it gets better Grotman and his followers have been noted to say " that welfare has made being single more glamorized than a good marry life". These people clearly have never been on welfare. Its like hooking only more work and you can't jack the john's wallet while they're tied to the bed. At least when I was married I didn't have to wait 8 hours to get approved for food. I batted my baby greens showed a little leg and hubby got up and went shopping. This kind of of stupidity should not and will not be allowed. Sure right now its just teaching, but there is talk about punishing single moms by not allowing these women to participate in food stamps, TANF, or housing programs, becaue according to these small minded pickles there is no reason one should get a divorce. Instead you should try to remember why you got married, and fix it. Sorry domestic violence victims all those years of being told you don't have to be a victim have been lies. Instead of whinning to some broad on her period you need to take your husband's critques serious and learn to cook right. Remember you married him for his sense of humor, and just cause he stabbed you for watery gravy it is your fault and you need to fix it.

I can go on and on about the good sir Grotman, but I swore I would try to get you through this as quickly and painlessly as I could. So let's head west to my home the lovely Arizona. Dear Arizona has been kind of poplar recently with our immagration policy, that kid who shot up the state capitial bulding, and let's not forget Phoenix's pudgy sheriff. Well now we are in the news again along with several other states on a bill that would allow employers to decide what form of birth control(if any) is allowed. Some states are taking it further to where doctors can decide what form of birth control is okay. Here's my problem with this idea and with all the recent reproductive bills, these bills are being made by people who are against anything that isn't breeding. Why is it we have to be open minded to be on a jury, but any hater can make a bill. I think I shall make a bill that will make it a crime for cats to eat their young. Crazy no? Well that's what thess bills are, and they're religion based. I'm sorry but freedom of relgion is having the right to not only go to whatever church you want, but to have the right to stay home and worship the mold that is growing under the sink. Whether I want one kids or a hundred that is my burger flipping choice, and no man or woman has any right to tell me otherwise.

Okay I'll stop this here. I think we've all need a break for the night. So let me end this with some points. Whether you're pro life, pro choice, pro cannibal, or whatever that is you're right and no one can take that from you unless you let them. To the breakfast table destroyers out there, the next time you decide to shame the rest of us for our views, take a good look at your life. Have you ever been shamed for your beliefs? Fucking hurts doesn't it.

And as always buckets of caffiene for all, except Grotman. Also here's lock picks for the ladies...just incase they try to chain us to our stoves. ^.^

Toddler War part 1

Today was war! I mean brain bashing, river of blood and guts war. I had three simple chores today; clean my house, get my paycheck, and renew my bus pass. Simple,yes? Should of only taken half the day. Oh but wait I have the kids still thanks to a pink eye epidemic. I swear toddlers are evil teenagers without all the yapping.

Let us start this rant off with the first battle, my poor house. Last night I noticed that my floor was a little on the ewwwwww side, and after finding the cheeto cool-aid mixture I decided to do a clean run in the morning. So this morning I grab my weapons, and got to work on the hell that has become my house. I slash through the dish imps, hacked through the dirty demons that were invading my counters, tables and chairs, and I tackled the floor devil. I then head up stairs to repeat this war with the bathroom witches. Before I even get to the toilet I hear one of my boys toddle down the stairs. I follow after him and come to a clean murder. That lovely boy spread poo, milk, eggs, flour, and frosting all over the place. I wanted to do some evil things to that child, but in the end I settled on time out time and forcing him to help reclean the house.

At this point I am 2 hours behind schedule, I haven't had breakfast, and I get to carry scream one and scream two around today...yip freakin pee. So do I get to have happy kids for this 90 min commute? Nope I get a child who decides to complain at everything. I have him sit on the seat near the window he bitches. We get off at Walmart to take a bus break he bitches. As we head out of Walmart he tosses himself to the floor, and without saying a word I pick him up by the belt loops and carry him out the door like a sack of groceries. I am smiling at this point because people are actually cheering. Sorry buddy bear you want to act like a brat I'm gonna act like a bigger brat. The best thing was is after a few minutes he actually said " I'll stop acting like a brat", and he did for a few minutes.

By the time I got my check it was 4pm, and I had one errand left. So I do what I do best...I put it off til tomorrow. Do I feel bad about it? Hell no! Out of the three chores I had today my bus pass was the one I could throw out. I think with everything that went on today I did pretty good, and besides I won the war. The little darlings are passed out, one kid is well enough to go back to daycare, and I have 64oz of pure caffiene in my lap....yay!

This round of caffiene is on me ^.^

Bad Thoughts Does Not Make You a Bad Parent

This week I have had the pleasure of having my lovely boys all week, and like any normal parent I want to gouge my ever loving eyes out. That's right I said it. If you are a parent it is normal to want to take out yourself, your family, and anyone within a 10 mile radius. As long as you don't act on it you're golden. Which brings me to my rant of the day society is one of the reason people drown their kids in the tub.

Now I am not saying that society is the only reason that things like offspring drownings happen, but how many parents could get the help they need if they didn't feel like a monster for telling people they have thoughts about shoving their child's dinner down their throat. I've been there, and I've tried everything from breathing to send the child to bed without dinner. I will be honest their have been times where I thought about beating the child's bio-dad with the child himself. Is that evil of me? Eh jury is still out on that. I am; however, sick and tired of people acting like the gosh damn Brady Bunch. I am sorry but if you are not having homicidal thoughts about people(your kids or otherwise) then you are heavily medicated, and if that works for you then "GRRRRRRRREEEEAAAT!!!". All I ask is you don't not treat the rest of us like shit for having our thoughts. I truly believe if people felt like they could explain what they are feeling about their kids or their life without the fear of punishment or judgement then maybe we could lower the number of incidents. Don't get me wrong there are some sick people out there, but for those of us who are just at the end of our ropes we are just looking for a ear to vent to. Let's face it, people, no matter what the age, will annoy the piss out of other people its in our DNA, and sometimes that annoying rash who just happens to be family does not make them being a rash any better. I means there's a reason we don't think "Hmm. This person really annoys the piss out of me oh I wish he/she was related to me".

So bottom line for the normal parents out there, it is perfectly okay to have homicidal thoughts. Now for a serious thought, if you do find it harder and harder not to act on those thoughts please get help. I am not judging you loves, but I have been there and will probably be there again. Hell it part of the reason I started this blog. I am here to give my views on this crazy coster we call parenthood. I am not an expert, nor do I claim to know it all. I am here to let you know that you are not alone. I and countless others know what you are feeling, and if you ever need the extra support just drop a comment and I will reply to you.

Okay a little heavy today so this round of caffiene is on me. *Hugs to you all*.

Paint, clay, chalk, poo

So when you hear art project your mind wanders to a happy mom helping the happy child making a paper plate mask. Well this is true if you're the brady flippin bunch, but if you're like me art project is a term you use to describe your little mutant's evil behavior.

Recently my 3 year old has been using the toilet like a pro. When I noticed this change I was so happy. My brain was buzzing with thoughts of less diaper changes, one down one to go. I was in eternal bliss, but last night shot a huge hole in my soda can. While cooking dinner, my 3 year old was off in a corner coloring. As dinner progressed I notice a smell that wasn't coming from the stove. Putting the stove on simmer I made my rounds. Two year old...clean. Three year old...three year old? I walked over to his coloring book when the smell pimped slap me. The poor coloring book had not only been abandoned, but turn into a poo filled art project that Andy Warhol would run from. So I did what any poo hating mother would do...I sparyed it with Lysol and tried to exorcise the damn thing. Once I took care of the demonic coloring book I went upstairs to find its summoner. I was getting ready to yell, but what I saw next broke my bitchness in two.

In the bathroom was a very upset toddler, a wet rag, and a tower of soiled clothes. He had been hiding his potty troubles so he wouldn't have to go back to baby pants. Before he could hide the evidence again I scooped him up and explained to him that accidents happen. That instead of hiding them he should let me know as soon as they happen so we can work on the problem. I then filled the tub with water and showed him how to help mommy clean the uh-ohs.

Even though I was pissed at the extra work this caused me, I didn't let him see it. The point is to make him want to tell me, not continue to hide the mess. Plus I know the feeling, when I had preggo uh-ohs there were times I didn't want anyone to know. I think I deserve 2 buckets of caffiene...one for the POO art...and one for being good.

Please dont...oops too late

This morning, after dropping the mutants off at daycare, I was heading to my second favorite caffine fix. I was strumming along singing a song when three idiots got in my way.

Now normally I would ignore the little tykes, but I haven't had my reward in 14 hours( don't start! Some people have meth, I have caffiene). Anywho I am just trying to get a soda minding my own business, and these guys start cat calling. Which by the by guys if you're gonna do this get some original material. Anyways, so I was planning on ignoring them, but the head idiot grabbed my arm. Well anyone who knows me, knows better than to touch me before I've had my sweet caffiene. *SIGH* Sadly these guys missed the memo. Now at this point I am having a classic internal agrument. The naughty in me wanted to snap his arm off at the joint and beat them to death with it, and the good in me wanted to kick this guy in the grapes and pepper spray the other two in the eyes and mouth. Okay so both sides are pretty violent, but I have never claimed to be gentle. So here I am trying to decide which is the quickest way for me to get my drink, when the other two guys noticed the woman cop walking our way. Before mister grabby has a chance to run, the cop grabs him by the shirt. Turns out this guy was this cop's son. I was warm and fuzzy the rest of the trip to my sweet reward...I hope she beats him good.

Here you go cop mom have some caffiene on me^.^